Have you ever been ghosted? I have. It doesn’t feel good, does it?
But it hits differentlly when it’s your own mother—and not for the reasons you would think.
For the first almost 40 years of my life, my mom was a vibrant soul who gave selflessly of her time and talents to her family, to her husband, to children, and to the church. She served in a volunteer capacity and worked many, many hours and all times of the day and week.
And she never complained. She always had a smile much like the one you see here.
But the last couple of years have been a very different experience for me. She was diagnosed five years ago with Alzheimer’s Disease, a form of dementia for which there is not a cure today. There is some experimental medicine on the market, the newest of which is to slow the early onset of the disease.
There are several phases to Alzheimer’s, and I’ve learned a lot through watching the progression of it and her subsequent regression.
Just in the past month, my last couple of visits, she no longer recognizes me, but as soon as I tell her, her face lights up and her eyes get big. Her words are few, so when she speaks, it is so rewarding.
I share this to say, how can I find way to show a bit more grace to my fellow coworker or colleague—my fellow human? Evolving organizations are starting to encourage employees to bring their most authentic version of ourselves to work. Let’s keep in mind the personal relationships and interfaces we each may have behind the scenes—beyond work hours and outside of meetings.
Ghosting doesn’t feel good when we are made to feel unimportant and can take the form of being a no-show to a meeting you accepted, showing up late for one, or even not responding to a request in a timely manner—even if only to say, hey, can I get back to you in a bit?
Last spring, we celebrated the milestone of my mom’s 80th birthday as a family, and it was extra special to have my dad, and all my brothers and their families present for it. While she may no longer remember the event, acknowledging her worth and that she is loved by so many will always be a treasured memory for me.
There were times even 10 years ago that I wish I spent more time with her. To glean more of her wisdom and knowledge as a person and entrepreneur. She was always self-employed, first as a home daycare provider, then a piano teacher, and finally as a Kindermusik teacher (the first one in Omaha).
The photos below capture the essence of her inner beauty and how she willingly accepted any challenge or task presented to her. I hope to pass on some of the fond memories and stories of triumph with my daughter.
I wasn’t “woke” enough at the time to realize all of the grace she showed to me, especially as a teenager and young adult in my 20’s, when I thought I knew more than her. She served with purity of heart, and I am ever grateful God chose her to be my mother.
She was the epitome of servitude and accepted feedback with grace. I am always looking for ways to improve, do better, and learn from past failures and mistakes. So, I want to unveil my theme for 2023: Grace for Grace: Create space for yourself and be kind to yourself (and others)!
St. John 1:16 KJV: “And of his fulness have all we received, and grace for grace.” Thanks to a longtime friend of mine, JB, who asked me about this scripture last fall. It caused me to look at it in a way I had not previously. For only by God’s grace are ANY of us able to walk, talk, live, and breathe.
Who am I not to extend that same grace to my neighbor, my associate, my friend, or my enemy?
